Have you ever walked out of a meeting feeling frustrated with yourself for not speaking up? You had a great idea, a valid question, or a crucial piece of information to share, but you remained silent. This feeling of "shrinking" in meetings is a common experience for many professionals. It's the feeling of your voice getting lost in the crowd, your ideas remaining unspoken, and your presence going unnoticed. This blog post will explore why we shrink in meetings and provide you with actionable strategies to reclaim your voice, build your confidence, and start being heard.
Why we shrink - The pyschology of silence
Several psychological factors contribute to the tendency to self-silence in professional settings. Understanding these can be the first step towards overcoming them.
Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of being a fraud, despite evidence of your competence. It's the fear that you'll be "found out" as not being as smart or capable as others perceive you to be. This can lead to a reluctance to speak up, for fear of saying something "stupid" and confirming your own self-doubt.
Research shows that imposter syndrome is widespread, affecting a significant portion of the workforce. A 2024 Korn Ferry study found that 71% of U.S. CEOs experience symptoms of imposter syndrome. Separate research indicates that 43% of employees across all levels feel like a fraud at work. This is not a personal failing—it's a near-universal human experience, and recognising that fact is itself liberating.
Fear of judgement and rejection
The fear of being judged negatively by our peers and superiors is a powerful inhibitor. We worry about how our ideas will be received, whether we will be seen as incompetent, or if our contributions will be dismissed. This fear is often rooted in a desire to maintain social harmony and avoid conflict, but it can lead to self-silencing and a reluctance to challenge the status quo.
In a meeting room, this ancient survival mechanism can misfire spectacularly—treating the risk of saying something imperfect as though it were a genuine threat to our safety. The result is silence, invisibility, and missed opportunities.
Self-silencing and gender dynamics
Research has consistently shown that women face unique and compounding challenges in being heard in professional settings. A 2019 Women in the Workplace report by McKinsey and LeanIn.org found that women are interrupted in 50% of meetings. Studies confirm that men interrupt women 33% more often than they interrupt other men.
Over time, this pattern of being interrupted, talked over, or having ideas credited to someone else creates a learned behaviour of self-silencing—a rational adaptation to an irrational environment. Understanding this structural dimension is not about victimhood; it's about naming the reality so you can strategise around it with clear eyes.
The real cost of staying silent
Staying silent in meetings carries a compounding cost that goes far beyond any single conversation. When you consistently hold back your ideas, you become invisible to decision-makers—not because you lack talent, but because talent that is never expressed cannot be recognised. Promotions, high-visibility projects, and leadership opportunities flow towards those who are seen and heard, regardless of whether they are objectively the most capable person in the room.
Beyond career progression, there is a profound personal cost. Chronically suppressing your voice erodes your sense of self-worth over time. Each meeting where you leave without contributing reinforces the internal narrative that your ideas are not worth sharing—a narrative that, left unchallenged, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The good news is that this cycle can be broken, and breaking it begins with a single, deliberate act of speaking up.
7 strategies to stop shrinking and start beingheard
Breaking the habit of shrinking in meetings is a learnable skill, not a fixed personality trait. The following strategies are grounded in psychology, communication research, and real-world coaching practice. Implement them one at a time, and build from there.
Strategy 1: Prepare and plan deliberately
Confidence comes from preparation. Before every meeting, review the agenda, research the topics, and write down two or three specific points you want to contribute. Having your thoughts crystallised in advance removes the cognitive load of formulating ideas in real time—freeing your mental energy to focus on delivery rather than content.
When you walk into a meeting with a plan, you are not relying on inspiration or spontaneity. You are relying on preparation, which is infinitely more reliable.
Strategy 2: Shift your internal narrative
Challenge the negative self-talk that holds you back. When the thought arises, "I'm not smart enough to contribute," consciously reframe it: "I have a unique perspective that this room has not heard yet." Remind yourself that you were hired, promoted, or invited to this meeting for a reason. Your presence is not accidental.
This is not positive thinking for its own sake. It's about replacing automatic, unhelpful thoughts with thoughts that are both more accurate and more empowering. You belong in that room.
Strategy 3: Harness the power of body language
Your non-verbal cues shape both how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself. Research by social psychologist Amy Cuddy suggests that adopting expansive, open postures before a high-stakes situation can increase feelings of confidence. This is not about "faking it"—it's about using your body to signal to your nervous system that you are safe and capable.
During meetings, sit upright, keep your arms uncrossed, make steady eye contact, and take up your full space at the table. Your body leads your mind.
Strategy 4: Cultivate a strong vocal presence
Speak clearly and at a deliberate pace. Avoid ending statements with an upward inflection that makes them sound like questions—this inadvertently signals uncertainty. Eliminate filler words such as "um," "like," and "sort of." If you are naturally soft-spoken, practise projecting your voice slightly beyond your comfort zone.
Your words deserve to be heard clearly. Vocal presence is not about being loud; it's about being clear, intentional, and audible.
Strategy 5: Speak up within the first ten minutes
The longer you wait to contribute, the harder it becomes. Anxiety compounds with each passing minute of silence, and the conversational momentum becomes harder to enter. Set a personal rule: contribute something—a question, an observation, a point of agreement—within the first ten minutes of every meeting.
This breaks the silence barrier early and makes subsequent contributions feel natural. You are not trying to dominate the conversation; you are simply ensuring that your voice is in the room from the start.
Strategy 6: Ben an active strategic listener
Active listening is not passive waiting. Pay close attention to what others are saying, and use it as a springboard. You can build on a colleague's idea ("Building on what Sarah said..."), offer a contrasting perspective ("I'd like to add a different angle here..."), or ask a clarifying question that demonstrates genuine engagement.
This positions you as a thoughtful contributor rather than someone simply waiting for their turn. You are adding value to the conversation, not just inserting yourself into it.
Strategy 7: Handle interruptions with calm assertiveness
If you are interrupted, reclaim the floor without apology or aggression. Use phrases such as: "I'd like to finish my thought," or "Just one moment—I haven't quite finished." Then continue speaking at your normal pace. Do not abandon your point simply because someone spoke over you.
Calmly, firmly, and without drama, signal that your voice has value and your time to speak is not negotiable. This is not rude; it's professional self-respect.
Your voice is not optional
Breaking the habit of shrinking in meetings is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-awareness, consistent practice, and a genuine commitment to valuing your own voice as much as you value the voices of those around you. There will be meetings where you slip back into silence, and that is entirely normal. What matters is the overall trajectory—the gradual, cumulative shift from invisible to present, from silent to heard.
The strategies in this post are not about becoming someone you are not. They are not about becoming louder, more aggressive, or more performatively confident. They are about removing the barriers—psychological, behavioural, and structural—that stand between who you already are and the full expression of your capability in professional spaces.
Your ideas are valuable. Your perspective is unique. Your voice deserves to be in the room—not just physically present, but genuinely, powerfully heard. Start with one strategy. Commit to it for a single week. Then build from there. The room is waiting for what only you can bring.
Key statistics
- 71% of U.S. CEOs experience symptoms of imposter syndrome (Korn Ferry, 2024)
- 43% of employees feel like a fraud at work (Lab Manager, 2025)
- 50% of women are interrupted in meetings (McKinsey & LeanIn.org, 2019)
- Men interrupt women 33% more often than they interrupt other men (Research Studies)
References
- Korn Ferry (2024). 71% of U.S. CEOs Experience Imposter Syndrome
https://www.kornferry.com/about-us/press/71percent-of-us-ceos-experience-imposter-syndrome-new-korn-ferry-research-finds
- CNBC (2024). 71% of CEOs in the U.S. say they have imposter syndrome
https://www.cnbc.com/2024/06/07/71percent-of-ceos-in-the-us-say-they-have-imposter-syndrome-says-new-report.html
- Carnegie Mellon University (2020). Women Interrupted: A New Strategy for Male-Dominated Discussions
https://www.cmu.edu/news/stories/archives/2020/october/women-interrupted-debate.html
- Advisory Board (2017). How often are women interrupted by men? Here's what the research says
https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2017/07/07/men-interrupting-women
- Lab Manager (2025). Impostor Syndrome at Work Affects 43 Percent of Employees
https://www.labmanager.com/nearly-half-of-workers-experience-impostor-feelings-new-survey-finds-34971
- Melody Wilding (2024). How to Speak Confidently in Meetings (Even When Anxious)
https://melodywilding.com/speak-confidently-meetings-when-anxious/
- ACHIEVE Centre (2023). 6 Reasons Teams Stay Silent in Meetings
https://achievecentre.com/blog/why-stay-silent-in-meetings/
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